Saturday, March 21, 2015

Joy Cometh In the Morning

said Debra, my sister-in-law, who has been a rock for me to lean on this past long month. She said this while staying with her husband in an ICU in a hospital in Fontana, here in Southern California, somewhere. He is recovering from quadruple bypass surgery, which he had on Thursday. Considering this, I hesitated to call her, but I knew I needed to and I knew she would want me to. 


I finally broke down last night. This is what happened:

The day before, doctors called to ask my consent to do a biopsy on a lesion on my husband's tongue. Yesterday, they called again to inform me of the results: A fungus infection. Not cancer, which was good, but a fungus can be just as devastating to our bodies. Strangely, I knew this from a cat we once had, who got a strange fungus on her brain. The doctor said it had not yet, but could spread very quickly throughout his system and then the consequences would be very serious. 


This is what I gave my consent to: 
  • Remove the part of his tongue where the tissue was already dead. 
  • Allow them to remove the breathing tube and instead do a tracheostomy to help him breathe. 
Fortunately for me, the doctor said my husband was alert, understood, and had agreed to this. Since I'm still the official consent giver, I had to agree also. Of course I did, there's really nothing else to do. 



And then I cried. And cried. For the first time I let go and let out all my sorrow, anger, and frustration.  I cried for a long time, heaving cries, you know the kind we did when we were children. 

Then I called Debra, who quoted Psalm 30:5 ~

Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. 



I will see him tomorrow, today I will walk the dogs, mow weeds, and go to the dump with all the food and old spices I purged. Then I will take a long hot shower, using the lavender and salt scrub from the Dead Sea, my neighbor brought back from Israel; and the wonderful soap from Montana, my friend Janice sent for Christmas. 



If I can accomplish all that; if I can get really tired and sleep well tonight; if I can see my love tomorrow and know he's able to deal with all this adversity ~ joy will come.









39 comments:

  1. that scripture was my mothers favorite verse, she repeated it over and over and always received comfort from it. your photos are perfect for the scripture , so beautiful with the beams coming down. i don't even know what to say about this new fungus, or how to comfort you. all i can say is I love and care about you and will pray for you and your husband and sweet pups... this just seems to much to add to all the other and I am glad you cried, crying cleanses the soul and heart... hugs from Florida

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  2. oh, sweetheart. another twist and turn in this journey for both of you - and for your sister-in-law and her husband, too!! bless you all! i am glad your husband was alert and could understand what would be occurring and give consent. he is strong. you are, too.

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  3. I'm glad you cried also. Leaving it all in is of no help in your situation.
    Wish I could be there to give you some more comfort. Let it out, cry,
    scream what ever helps.
    This fungus might have come because your husband was so weak
    and filled with medication. Hope the treatment helps to get rid of it.
    Taking a hot shower with lavender and salt scrub sounds very good
    to me, maybe it helps to get rid of some of the uncomfortness, wash
    it all away. Then you can go and see your husband with a nice and
    warm smile on your face. Hope this helps!
    And I sure hope that that fungus is the last bad news for you and
    your husband, I want him to get healthy again and I want you to be
    a happy girl again.
    Big hug from
    【ツ】Knipsa

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  4. I wish I could hold you while you cry!!

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  5. Inger, know we are there with you 'in spirit'....as I am sure all your family and friends are. Let us wrap you in warmth and help you get through this. Which you will.
    Purging is good and so good for the soul. And just look at Samson's face! He knows and is doing his best to help you. Dogs do this.
    Have a good visit with your husband.

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  6. Oh Inger! I pray the fungus leaves his body quickly and that will finally be the last of the bad news. Joy WILL come in the morning. I so remember the day that I went outside and cried and cried and screamed and moaned and just plain lost it when I was losing Richard. It is so cleansing to the soul. I am sending you a big hug I hope you can feel my arms wrapping around you right now!!!!!

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  7. Inger, I'm so glad you were able to purge yourself of that burden... you have enough to bear without trying to carry that load as well. May this be the last hurdle that you and your husband must jump; thank goodness he has improved enough to be alert and able to give his consent as well.

    Sending you love and gentle hugs.

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  8. Oh yes, that is a great verse. So sorry to hear of yet another complication. A good cry does wonders.
    This is a verse that I like and hope it may be of some help to you too.
    Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness.

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  9. I just feel the need to (((((((Inger))))))) hug you. Many prayers for both you and your husband and may brighter days be ahead.

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  10. Sending all my love. There are a lot of us here on the Internet who will be praying for you and your dear husband.

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  11. Dearest Inger ... I'm not surprised .. but so pleased to read the post - such a cathartic way of expressing ourselves at times. Just amazing at all you are both going through, but am so happy to hear of all the support you're getting and that you have the dogs with you. All the very best tomorrow and with lots of thoughts and hugs from another English girl .. I will be thinking of you both, and do often during the days - Hilary xoxoxoxoxoxo

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  12. Two good things. One that your husband could give consent for the procedure taking that burden from your shoulders and two that you were finally able to just let it all out. Lets make that three--- that it is not cancer.
    I hope you can feel the support coming your way for it is intense. Still have you both in my prayers.

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  13. Dear Inger, I feel sad as i read you post. I can't imagine you and your husband having to go through all this for so long and then having another infection to complicate matters. It really makes me feel sad.

    I'm glad that you had a melt down and let it all out as you've kept strong for so long now. Even strong men have to put the weight down after holding it up for a while. I 'm sending you my love and prayers and I pray for your husband to come through all this stronger. I'm praying also for Debra and her husband as they both are having their cross to bear.

    Big hugs.
    Julia

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  14. As soon as I saw that, I knew the verse. It's much loved, as are you and your husband and Samson and Faith.

    Love and prayers,
    Janie

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  15. Sending you hugs and a big box of Kleenex for those cleansing tears.

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  16. Blessings and prayers for you Inger. I know that you must be a very, very strong person.

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  17. Don't worry, Inger, my hubs had that same tracheotomy and it's all healed now, but at the time, he needed it and the tubes down his throats were causing more harm and discomfort. I cried too, it's only natural for us to feel pain at seeing our loved ones suffer. I will send my healing thoughts and best wishes for his recovery. I'm glad you have others to boost your morale. It's a tough time you're going through. The joy will come, remember you still have him here in this world.

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  18. My hand is outstretched to yours, even if it is only virtual. I wish I could say the right thing; I wish I could tell you things will be OK. All I can say, though, is that you have strength that you never thought you had and you will be OK because of it.

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  19. Sandra is right: your photos dovetailed so well with the scripture verse. Life sometimes never lets up. It is good you cried and let out the pent-up grief and exhaustion. Samson looks so huggable and loving. I wouldn't be able to keep myself from hugging him all the time!

    I will pray extra hard for you and your husband. My mother had part of her tongue removed, and was able to taste and talk well afterwards. I pray that the Father holds your hand tonight and tomorrow. Roland

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  20. A beautiful post and something that I can totally relate and understand. Listen to yourself and your heart, and take care of yourself. Joy does come in the morning... I hope you are feeling the prayers of peace and comfort that are coming for you, and the healing ones being said in your husbands behalf.

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  21. You have really been on an emotional roller coaster for a long time. I don't see a thing wrong with a woman crying. I think that may be one reason they generally live longer than men do. You're a brave person. If it wasn't true I would not say it.

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  22. You do what you have to do and just keep on breathing. So thankful that you knew this is what he agreed to also.

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  23. Oh Inger, you and your husband need to catch a break. I hope things improve soon.

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  24. Wow that is a new one for me - I have not heard of a fungus like this - how did they even find it? Those sound like some great doctors. I am glad he is there and glad he has these doctors. Well I am also glad that you will get to see him tomorrow. I will continue to pray. And Joy Cometh In The Morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  25. It's such a hard time for you and there are always so many hard decisions to make. I keep you in my prayers. I hope your visit went well today. Sweet hugs, Diane

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  26. Oh, Inger! I'm so sorry that there was a further assault to his poor tired body. Those tears were all bottled up and just had to come out. And your brother-in-law having such serious surgery right now, as well? There is just a lot for you to absorb right now, but I think Debra must be a gem. She seems to be someone you can trust for encouragement, and that's a wonderful thing. Prayers continue for your husband's recovery and that all-important transplant, Inger. oxo Debra/breathelighter
    ,

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  27. A great verse to memorize. Looking forward to your next post to give an update. You are loved.

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  28. Dear Inger, you wrote this last Saturday. By now--Tuesday--you've seen your husband. I hope that the morning's joy entered both of you. Both of you have fought a long struggle, lasting since last May. Your love has deepened and your gratitude for one another. I so hope that joy will continue to be part of his and your healing. Peace.

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  29. Dear Inger - this brought tears to my eyes. So moving - your tenderness and your pain. I'm so very very sorry to hear about your husband.

    Those shots are so hopeful and beautiful.

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  31. I'm so sorry to hear of this new trial. This life is indeed filled with trials that we need, or otherwise we wouldn't know Joy in the Morning. It's the law of opposition of which I remind myself a lot as I too keep plodding along with loved ones who are suffering and/or struggling in one way or another. Just cling to the love you have for your husband that you've developed in sickness and in health. My prayers are with you and him.

    The photographs are beautiful. So evocative of the joy that one day we will feel when we have endured in faith to the end.

    (Sorry for the above. I really need to proofread before I hit the button!)

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  32. I hope by now the news is better.
    It is so demoralising when things just keep on happening. Crying is excellent medicine.

    Poor, dear Inger, I do hope life is kind to you and your dear husband before long.
    Take care whatever happens.

    With love and prayers.

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  33. ((((((HUGGGSSS)))))))) I am with you too, in spirit, Inger. I am praying every single morning. You are one of the strongest women I have ever known and I am so very blessed to call you a friend. I'm glad you were able to break down and cry. This is needed, or we shall explode inside. I will continue in prayer... thank you so much for the update.

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  34. Oh, and Gracie says... "Lookin' good, Samson... Lookin' good!!"

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  35. You are truly blessed with your strength, and my heart goes out to your pain. I love your photographs of clouds showing the sunshine that is behind.

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  36. I think that crying is good for us. As strong as you are, you needed to lighten your the burden of stress. I wish I was close enough to give you support at times like these, but I am sure your friends are wonderful.
    Take care of yourself and eat right as times like these take a lot out of us.
    Hugs,
    - Munir

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  37. Dear Inger, I'm so sorry to read this post, your words brought tears to my eyes...
    So beautiful and comforter the salm.
    I wish I could to be there with you to give you some more comfort and embrace you with much love.
    Sending prayers and positive thoughts for your husband's recovery.
    So lovely the face of adorable Samson.
    Lots of Hugs and much Love to you, my dear Inger.

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Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger

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