Friday, April 10, 2015

A Turn For The Worse ~ Again



Only two years ago, we went to this park on the other side of town, had a picnic, 


walked around the lake, watched birds, so different from those in the canyon. We were happy. 


In my last post, I shared relatively happy news. My husband, my love, was doing better. Then he took a turn for the worse. And last night I gave consent to yet another surgery, to repair another or the same leak in his abdomen. 


I talked to his attending physcian, the surgeon, whom I trust. He said my husband has a strong will to live, and he had been a strong man, physically. Although he no longer is, he can can get through this, said the surgeon. 



I gave my consent to the surgery. I can't hold his life in my hands. I don't like to have to make these decisions. The operating room nurse called at 2:37 this morning, said they were wrapping up the surgery. Couldn't/wouldn't tell me how it went. 


When I called this morning, the nurse said he's very critically ill. She told me of a few procedures they had to do. Left me feeling that even if he recovers, he will never really recover, will never be the man he was happy and content with being. 


I don't know what this will mean. Will he still want to be alive? Will he be depressed?  Will he have the mental fortitude to work through all the obstacles ahead? Will I? 


Or should I prepare myself for the end of our lives together, for the end of his life? Practically, yes, that I can do, but emotionally? 

Tom was going there this morning to see about my husband. He will let me know more. I will call the surgeon later. 

I wanted to let you know. 









39 comments:

  1. Awww, sweetie, this is not what any of us wanted to hear. But, I feel so honored that you take the time to share such difficult news with us. Even though I don't like hearing the bad news, I like knowing. It helps me prioritize my thinking, my prayers, my hopes for you and your husband. I can tell you're a Swede! You have such tough resolve, and seem to see clearly, even in the midst of such turmoil in your heart. Even before I read your post I was thinking how strong your husband is. How much of a survivor he is. God Bless you both. Hugs. Know that you are always in my mind and heart.

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  2. Bud & I are So sorry to hear this news, my friend!!

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  3. My thoughts are with you, Inger and I know it's tough when your hubs is going through so much surgery. Just have faith that he will come home with you when he's able and if you must get used to a new 'normal' as I did, you will be able to do it. You're a survivor, we both came from our birth countries, and found a new life and love in the country of our choice. I'm here via email if you want to vent. I'm sending healing and soothing energies your way.

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  4. Did you notice that in the last picture, the utility pole looks like a cross? For some reason, my eye went there immediately (which is not like me). You are asking all the right (and difficult) questions. Wishing you peace and continued strength as you move into the next phase of this journey with (or without) your husband.

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    1. Yes, I saw it as I posted the picture. I wondered if the picture was too sad, with the dying oak and then a cross too. I wondered what it meant, but decided to post it and let each person decide.

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  5. i am sorry for another set-back, another surgery, more worries and struggles for all of you. i send you hope and strength, dear inger.

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  6. Thank you for sharing with us. I am sorry - these challenges can seem super difficult.
    I sure like Annette's response . . . I wish you Comfort, Strength and Courage.
    love & love, -g-

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  7. I had hoped to hear more good news and now the set back... once again. I know your heart is breaking and am thinking of you as you struggled with this. even reading this my mind flipped into what if mode with all kinds of questions i would ask myself it i were you... hang on dear friend, that is all i can say. the photos are beautiful and so peaceful and you know how much i love trees. praying he will recover and for strength to get through whatever happens.

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  8. Oh Inger I am so sorry. This was how much of Richard's last year was. It takes it toll! I am praying for you to be able to deal with whatever happens. I wish I was there with you then you would not be so alone. I think you sound like you are very strong. But a real life hug would help!!

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  9. Oh Inger, I am so very sorry. I have been praying every day.. hoping that things were progressing for the better. Thank you so much for the update. I will not give up on my praying .... miracles do happen. And I pray that peace be with you no matter what the outcome. You are loved by so many. My heart is breaking for you, but as I said before, you are a strong woman and I admire you to the moon and back. Love you so much!! (((HUG)))

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  10. I am so sorry to hear your news Inger - and I feel so in awe of you having the strength to write about it and to allow him to follow his own path knowing how much it is hurting you.
    My thoughts are with you
    Fil x

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  11. Dear Inger, I was sadden once more by the news of the setback. I'm wondering why he has to suffer so much and for such a long time. So many uncertainties and so many unanswered questions.
    You are so strong to have gone this long without giving up hope. Love can sustain the most difficult situation. If the doctor says that your husband can get through this then there's still hope.
    I'm still keeping your husband and you in my prayers and thoughts.
    Thanks so much for sharing this very hard journey with us.

    Hugs, Love & Prayers.
    Julia

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  12. Dear Inger, decisions like this are hardest to make, and distance between you is so hard too, Love, hugs, and caring thoughts for you, as these days will have sunrise and sunset, no matter what happens. Take time to look outside, value each day, and know we are all with you in heart and love.

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  13. When do you get to see him next for yourself? Did you talk to him about this ever? Gosh you are being a rock and a hard place - you love him to death yet don't want him to suffer. I am so sorry. Just want you to know I am still praying for you both. Hugs.

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  14. Dearest Inger - I do hope you can get in to see him .. but thank goodness for Tom being around to help you and being with you both .. my thoughts and lots of hugs ... and yes we are all with you ... thinking of you lots - Hilary

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  15. Inger, you are one courageous, brave and strong woman to be dealing with all this...the decisions, his pain, your pain. My heart is with you and prayers for both of you...:)JP

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  16. I'm so sorry to read this Inger; sending thoughts of warmth, comfort and continued strength for both of you. My heart is with you.

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  17. Thanks for sharing your very tentative and frustrating situation with your friends. We will all be praying for you and your hubby, Inger.

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  18. Wish there was something I could say that would help. I can only keep on praying for you and your husband.

    John 14:27
    Peace I leave with you,
    my peace I give unto you:
    not as the world giveth, give I unto you.
    Let not your heart be troubled., neither let it be afraid.

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  19. Oh, Inger, my heart aches for you, as my husband sits here across from me babbling on about what he saw at the store he visited today, and I'm only half listening yet feel so blessed to have him, knowing at our age he could be taken from me any moment. Life is just so fragile. I do hope you can feel peace and comfort as you face the outcome of your husband's illness and latest surgery. I also hope that blogging helps and that through your posts you can feel connected to your friends throughout the world.

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  20. Inger oh my dear Inger I am sending you all I have in hugs and good thought. xo B

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  21. I can't and yet can imagine your anguish. This is something so many go through because of modern medicine, good and bad alike. I hope you have a clear answer soon and the doctors are successful in giving you back your dear husband.

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  22. I'm glad you let us know so that we can pray. My husband and I are both praying and want you to know we care about you, too. Sending you lots of hugs tonight. Your friend, Diane

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  23. Inger, you have been on my mind all week. I hope you can (though it sounds like you are) take it one day at a time. I'm sending strength, courage and what wisdom I can spare. Hug those doggies of yours.

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  24. Oh, Inger! I am so sorry to hear this! :'(

    I hibernated for the winter, like any reasonable Bear, and woke up to your sad news!

    I do hope the two of you can pull things together. I think that is do-able, but I don't really know the two of you, so I can only guess.

    Blessings and Bear hugs all around!

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  25. Inger, I can just hear the fatigue in your voice. Your husband is an amazing man, of that I'm sure. He's been through so much and has obviously fought hard, so although the road to recovery looks impossibly long, I can imagine, from what you've shared, an altered life perhaps, but one that you two can still share. I think we can hold out hope and pass that on to you even though right now you're just not feeling very sure at all. Blessings dear one. And let us know how you both are doing. I hope tomorrow brings a little encouragement your way. oxo

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  26. Your heart must feel like a yo-yo. Of course you are wondering how this will affect your husband and you if all works out as you pray. As BreatheLighter wrote, you will both live an altered life. Yet even in winter, good days dawn. Altered just means different. Different is hard to get used to, but eventually it can be done. I grieve with you. I wish I could just shut down time for a month just to give you a breather and let you sleep and mend emotionally. My prayers are with you, Roland

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  27. So sorry to hear your latest news Inger but don't give up hope things can change quickly for the best as well as for the worst. Take one day at a time or even hour by hour and deal with each decision or piece of information as it is given to you,that's all anyone can do as we neither have hindsight or foresight. You are both in my prayers and I hope so much he comes home to you.x

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  28. Ha sido un placer conocer su blog y lleerle!!

    Unas hermosas fotos de la Naturaleza

    Gracias por compartir
    Besitos desde España

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  29. No one knows, thats the hardest part of it all. Much love to you my weary Swedish Goddess; may you receive some signs and answers soon XOXOXOXO

    ps hug that Samson and kiss that Faith on the nose - it will make you feel a tiny bit better!

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  30. Ledsen läser jag dina ord ,hoppas på det bästa för din del.styrkekramar till dig ,Nette

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  31. I am so sorry to hear your news dear Inger. You and your husband are both in my prayers.
    I also wish you much strength and courage in this moment. I admire you so very much, dear Inger.

    Love all pictures, they are beautiful.

    Sending you lots of hugs and much Love.

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  32. We all were hoping for better news, Inger. I pray for your strength and courage as you take each step. I pray that God holds you both in His Hands as this journey plays out.

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  33. I'm sorry I have been gone so I was't aware of this latest set back. I will pray the doctors can do their magic and bring you much more positive news. You both remain in my prayers.

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  34. Sorry to hear of another setback, stay strong, lean on your friends and keep us all posted. This is not an easy task to deal with, we just have to do our best for those dear to is.

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  35. I'm so very sorry, Inger. Hugs to you.

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  36. I'm catching up here (had been involved w/family stuff)...so sorry to read this and really don't know what to say just that I know this is so hard on you. (will catch up w/your latest post now to see what you said.

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Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger

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