Friday, September 25, 2015

Errol's Birthday, Clouds, Brain Fog, And Taking A Blogging Break


This is my new living room window. I took these pictures on 9/15, the last time I saw dark and serious clouds here. I even woke up to some rain that morning, very little, but such a lovely sound. 


That evening, the clouds were magnificent and, you know me and clouds, I just had to capture some of their majesty. 


Since then it has been hot, dry, and windy here. What I call scary fire weather. 


I have lived here for nine years now and, reading my journal from September 2006, it's amazing how much nature has changed. Then I saw coyotes almost every day, bobcats often, hawks too, a multitude of rabbits, large coveys of California quail making their way across the lawn, yes, grass grew here and on the hillsides too, and the junipers were green and healthy. 


Now sand blows across the barren spaces in front of my house, dust devils of amazing sizes form, the sky it a hot blue, if that's possible, the wind howls and the wild critters are, for the most part, gone.  


Enough of that, hopefully, we will get some rain soon. This is the siding my BIL, Glenn, put up, thus saving me thousands of dollars. The color around the window is the sage color that the house will be painted once Glenn is done with the repairs. He only did siding on the two worst sides, south and east. The rest is good enough to just be painted. 


I will try to take a break from blogging until mid-October. Between now and October 3rd, I hope to be able to focus on the tasks at hand, those requiring some mental work. Those that have so completely overwhelmed me because I just cannot focus. 


After that, I will be on vacation. I will stay right here, but I will not schedule anything. Just do what I want to do. An incredible amount of outdoor work has piled up during the past year. I feel blessed that I still can work hard, however, I can't do it the way I could when I was younger, or even just 10 years ago. But I will do what I can, what I enjoy. Then maybe check out a movie, go to the local museum, things like that. I really need something just for me. 


Finally, today is Errol's birthday. He would have been 69. I'm writing this on the 24th, so I don't know how I will feel. I imagine it will be a day like all the rest of them, where I do really well, feel happy even, and then, I may suddenly be overcome by incredible sadness. That's how my days are now. I still cry, Faith still comes immediately and licks whatever part of me she can reach. I know I can't make her and Samson worried, so I stop crying, I smile, I pet her, hug her, and the day goes on. And I'm OK.






30 comments:

  1. Hi Inger - a heart-felt post ... and you've worked out what you (you) need to do: give yourself space, have some time to finish of admin chores, get some of that outside work done, enjoy visiting local places to get some brain food, and then spending time with your precious animals ... they are such a blessing. Enjoy the few weeks ahead.

    I hope today will be as you describe it ... and I'm so pleased Errol's brother is helping you out fixing up the house and taking that worry away. Be at peace today ... with big hugs and many thoughts - Hilary

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  2. Oh Inger I am sending you hugs lots of hugs. Crying is OK, it is to be expected. You get out there and do things for yourself have fun,, take care of what you need to take care of and enjoy your life. I and I know all of us will be waiting for you to get back here and tell us how you are doing and what you had done. LOVE LOVE the windows and the views. I hope you get rain soon. Love and hugs B xo

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  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Errol. He was 2 months older than me. May he rest in peace and love.

    I'm so glad you got your new window and the siding installed. That was a big job and it will be so much better for you. Grieving is a roller coaster with it's up and down and I think that it's to help us to heal a little at a time otherwise it would be too overwhelming. It takes time.

    Don't feel guilty by taking a blogger break.

    It's good to blog to see how things have changed over the years as it's a good way to journal.
    Do what you want to do and what makes you happy. I hope that you a good day my friend.
    Hugs & Blessings,
    JB

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  4. i am so glad you have your babies to comfort you and help you deal with your grief.. i like your new windows and siding and the skies are wonderful. sorry every thing is drying out. flood or drought seems to be the weather thing these days... enjoy your break we will be waiting.

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  5. The clouds say so much. Beautiful over your land but holding back their moisture for another time. I did hear that the weather will hopefully change this year and, hopefully, California, will see the much needed rain and bring new life to your beautiful canyon.

    Take care of yourself, dear friend, and we will see you (your posts) when you are ready and your tasks are done.

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  6. What a lovely large window you have. I'm sure you are happy to see the improvements going on.
    That drought just goes on and on, I remember (a couple years ago) you talking about keeping the grasses down because of fires. You don't seem to have many grasses left. I hope you get gentle rains all this season and the next.

    Taking a blogging break can be a good thing. Don't do anything you feel obligated to, just be and give yourself time to heal. When blogging feels like a job ... You are retired now, do as you please - when you please. I know you are going through a rough patch now and you know we all wish you the best.

    Hugs to you and the kids!

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  7. Enjoy your much deserved break - the photos are beautiful by the way.

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  8. The first year and all the firsts to get through are so hard. I still have days when everything is going along and suddenly I am hit with a wave of grief that takes my breath away. I am learning to just flow with it. Cry and put that memory away. I am sending you much love and hugs! Those last two pictures of the clouds are simply stunning!! Enjoy your 'vacation.'

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  9. We'll be here when you get back because WE LOVE YOU!!

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  10. Those sky photos are superb, the paint colour is wonderful, and will look great when it is all done. Meantime, sending so many wishes with love, that you live each day as it is, not too much work, there will be the tomorrow to do more, , and have time to ponder, look at those skies, and let Samson and Faith be there for comfort.

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  11. first, the skies are beautiful, and i do hope you get some healing rains! second, the new windows and siding look great! so glad you are getting some improvements done to your home before cooler weather sets in. third, i am glad you are going to just focus on yourself for a while. chores around the place, time spent with your pups, i am hoping will help you relax. until then, i hope you can get your mental chores finished so you CAN relax and just be for a little while.

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  12. beautiful pictures. will miss you, but enjoy your blogging break. thinking of you, and praying for you.

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  13. Life is a series of losses. I'm sorry, but it's true. I lose and lose and lose.

    Love,
    Janie

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  14. Birthdays and anniversaries really bring the pain to the surface. I hope you will lean on some friends today and remember the good times. Take care and come back when you are ready. The siding looks great and your BIL is a true friend as well as family.

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  15. Beautiful sky pictures.
    Birthdays are hard. Remember the good times and smile. : )
    Have a good break and come back refreshed.

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  16. Lovely photos! Enjoy your time and return refreshed.

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  17. Glenn is so nice to do all this work for you. The dates of the birthdays of those I have loved and lost hit me hard but it eases up after a season, only to catch you unawares at other times. The heart insists on healing at its own rate. Try to visit my blog on my own birthday, Oct. 9th, -- I don't know what I will do that day on it, but I sometimes surprise myself by being entertaining! :-) Odd how nature changes around us. Come to my blog and visit the post, JUST FOR FUN, which has a lovely and interesting 4 minute video on how the re-introduction of wolves to Yosemite Park changed the whole landscape -- bringing song birds and changing the very course of the rivers! I will miss you. Pace yourself, Roland

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    Replies
    1. I made a note to visit you, just to make sure, since I seem to forget everything.

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  18. You know, I enjoy so much looking at your pictures. There's something very restful and calming about your landscape, and your pictures of clouds and sunsets are soothing. The picture of your house with the light in the window seemed very warm and secure.

    I'm sorry for my own sake that you are taking off for October, but I know exactly how you feel and I think it's a good idea. I look forward to you coming back.

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you like the canyon and my house.

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  19. Your clouds and sunsets are beautiful! I understand about grief . My husband's Bday was 21 Sep. he would have been 71. And our Anniversary is Oct 10. .would have been 29 years. You have your precious dogs and such a lovely home and many friends, I'm sure. Much to be thankful for. Enjoy your "time off"

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  20. We started replacing the siding on the west side of our house today. No BIL to do it for us and not Brett's area of expertise so we are paying a contractor we trust. Enjoy your break. Let the tears flow when they come; you can't hold it all inside. Working outside will be good for you.

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  21. What a beautiful photos, Inger! The clouds are fantastic!
    Love the photo of your window and seeing the indoor of your house.
    I agree with your friend, birthdays are hard..remember the good times with your dear husband.
    Enjoy your blogging break with your adorables Samson and Faith.
    Lots of hugs and Love!

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  22. Inger, to to see that you are getting on with life.
    Milestones will always be difficult but easier as time goes by.
    All the best and BIG hugs to you and the pups!!

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  23. Beautiful pictures, Inger! I am so glad to read updates on you and your life... You are always an inspiration. Gracie says Samson looks hot (meaning gorgeous)!! Loving his header picture! With those deep soulful brown eyes no wonder Gracie loves him so. It is good to hear that Faith and Samson are such a comfort to you. I will be looking forward to visiting you after your break. Enjoy!!

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  24. Dear Inger, I'm so glad to learn that you are taking such good care of yourself. And that you are letting yourself grieve as your mind and heart grow into your new life. I like the color sage. It is the color I used to paint my living room. A lighter shade of it is also in the kitchen. As to that new window--it truly will bring the outdoors inside. I'm just sorry to learn that the wild creatures are mostly gone. I hope that when rain finally does come to your area, they will, in time, return. Peace.

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  25. Lovely photos Inger. I'm wondering why there are no wild animals about now and no grass,is it because of forest fires? Your grief is still so new and raw and from what I rtead I think you're doing all the right things and coping as well as you can. I'm sure your lovely dogs are taking care of their mama.

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  26. Beautiful pictures.

    Animals know.

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  27. I hope you are enjoying your break, Inger, and finding it to be healing for you. And wouldn't it be nice if some more rain came?

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  28. But its coming along nicely! You'll be snug as bug this winter. Although I think Samson on one side, Faith on the other will take care of that xoxox

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Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger

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