Friday, April 24, 2015

Errol, My Husband, My Love ~ September 25, 1946 ~ April 22, 2015




My beloved husband, Errol, died Wednesday afternoon in the liver transplant ICU at UCLA. A doctor called in the morning and explained that nothing they had done to try to curb the very vicious and highly unusual bacterial infection and sepsis had worked and, because of the infections, his new liver had now failed. 

She said he was on the maximum of all drugs and still getting worse. I agreed that they not resuscitate him should his heart fail. Then I drove, once again, through the desert into the Los Angeles traffic jams. It was a cold, gray April morning, with clouds hanging low over the mountains, matching how I felt perfectly.

Errol's brothers, his sister, Debra, her daughters, a newborn grandbaby, nieces and other relatives and a few friends were gathered around his bed. I spoke to one of the doctors and we agreed that when we were ready, they would begin to remove the various medicines, the kidney dialysis machine, and finally the breathing tube. I held my husband's hand the whole time. Debra sang Amazing Grace, in her hauntingly beautiful voice, his brothers sang another song, we prayed, I said my favorite old Hebrew prayer in Swedish, we told stories of Errol's life, laughed even. 

He was heavily sedated and it didn't take long. Once the four - at max - medicines to keep his blood pressure up were removed, his blood pressure went down fast, his heart continued beating for a while, then stopped. It was very peaceful and beautiful. You know, I always liked to hold his hand. It made me feel secure and loved, somehow. His hand was still hard and calloused from all that contracting work, building all those houses he did all his life. Now I had to let go, let his hand go. 

Errol touched many lives, even in his final days in the ICU. The social worker came up and asked if she could stay. Of course she could. She kept her hand on his shoulder and told us she had loved him since he was in the hospital last summer. She said they became friends then, he was going to make her gumbo. The ever optimistic attending physician, his surgeon, I told you about earlier, was devastated. He came in and talked to us, said he thought the last surgery had done it, said the last CT scan looked good, said he was so sorry he couldn't save Errol's life. Said he was some guy, so strong, such a fighter through it all, said he had been so inspired by him. 

I believe my life for a long time to come will be filled with both tears and joy. I have so much support from family and friends. Monique and Kenny were here yesterday with their girls and Subway sandwiches. That helped, family will help with everything. I don't have to go through this alone.

I have much to do, of course, and will take a blogging break for a while. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your support this past year. You have helped me so much, you have no idea. You have shared your own losses and showed me that life can go on; you have sent me gifts, cards, incredible drawings you made of Samson and Faith, beautiful stories you wrote, and you have left wonderful, encouraging comments and emails.


Thank You!

P.S. Don't worry, we'll take good care of mommy.
~ Samson and Faith





86 comments:

  1. oh, inger, i am so very sorry, but i so glad you could all be there - to hold his hand, pray, sing, share SHARE the love you all have for him. you can be assured that his caregivers did everything they possibly could for him - as did you. i am grateful his struggle is over. his spirit is free to watch over all of you.

    inger, you are an inspiration. you wrote this with such grace, such tenderness and love. so much respect for the man you love and his family and physicians, too. the tears are flowing, but i know you are going to be helped through this by so many - even if just in prayers and well wishes sent from afar. we love you.

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  2. I am so sorry for your loss. May you find Peace and Comfort now and forever.

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  3. I dont cry. Never. Im crying now. The world is going to miss this good man of yours.

    XOXOXOXOXO

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  4. I am so very sorry. It was good that you were with him and surrounded by family. He knew.

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  5. It must have been difficult to write this beautiful, heartbreaking post. I am so sorry to hear of your love's passing, and all the struggles you've gone through. Take care and know that I am saying a prayer for you and your family.

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  6. My dear dear Inger oh I do hope you can feel the hugs I am sending. My heart and prayers are with you. Xoxoxo Love B

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  7. My dear dear Inger oh I do hope you can feel the hugs I am sending. My heart and prayers are with you. Xoxoxo Love B

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  8. Oh Inger, I am so very sorry. At least you could all be there for that final goodbye. You tried, they tried and
    he tried-- it was just not to be. Lean on those who love you. My prayers continue for you and the family.

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  9. So sorry. What a beautifully written tribute!

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  10. You got to hold his hand & have family support you during this last embrace. How hard it must have been to have written this -- yet your words sang of your love for him and of others' love for him as well. How special a man Errol must have been to have made such an impact on so many while he was ill. You have my email address should you want to talk or just grieve. My prayers are still with you. May the light you need be there each moment. Love, Roland

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  11. My heart hurts with you and for you as I read this extraordinary, sweet and tender post for your beloved husband. You have a gift with words and these words are perfect and tells the story as though I were there with you. I am so glad for you that all his family was there and for him that all of you could wait with him. this is the most touching post I have ever read. hugs and love for you and for the precious pups.

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  12. Oh Inger I am s sorry to hear about your husband. It was wonderful how so many people were there with you during this time. I will keep you in my prayers.

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  13. I am filled with incredible sadness for your loss. I was worried about this. It was sure nice to know that you had a lot of family and friends with you and that they sang him into Heaven. Love and hugs, sandie

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  14. Dear Inger, this moving tribute you have written about your husband and his final moments has touched all of us who have read it and will read it. Thank you for sharing with us the ending of this beautiful love story. It is also a story of great strength and fortitude and of the human will to survive. So many of your memories must now be filled with pain and loss. But I hope the memory of those final minutes by his bedside with family and friends whose lives he had touched so gently will comfort you.

    Your loss is immense; but your heart, which is so open to all creation, will absorb this and go on. And the living you do from now on will always carry with it the love your shared with him. Now you carry his memory and his very being into the future for him. Peace and love.

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  15. Sorgligt att det gick så men så bra att ni fick vara tillsammans till slutet ,styrkekramar ,Nette

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  16. You've been through an ordeal. You were a faithful and steadfast wife and companion to your husband, no woman could have done more for a sick husband. Now, take some time off from the world. You and the dogs just use the peace of where you live to recover your equilibrium. I'll be thinking of you.

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  17. My heartfelt sympathy Inger - I wish you strength and peace.

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  18. Dear Inger - I am so so sorry to read this ... this is an amazing post showing how much everyone did for Errol and how they supported and are supporting you. Yes there will be tears of love, hugs with the dogs of love and all the extra memories knowing how much you helped him through his last journey ... and then being able to hold his hand at the end ...

    With many many thoughts to you and Samson and Faith ... and we will see you when you are ready .. I'll be thinking of you .. big hugs from here over the pond - love Hilary xoxoxo

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  19. ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) We love you!! Bobbi and Gracie

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  20. This news wasn't unexpected but, even so, tears pricked at my eyes from the moment I read the title. I'm glad you have so much support. I didn't realize Errol was so young (although I did know he was strong). Sending you a big, big hug. What an amazing man he was; what a wonderful bond you shared.

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  21. I am so very sorry. I am glad your family is there to help you. ((((hug)))

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  22. Poor dear Inger, if you have use of any more good wishes and love I am sending them from the peaceful Shropshire hills. When I go out there I say little prayers for all my friends who are in pain, for whatever reason; now I will add you to my meditations.

    There is little else to be said, mourn your beloved husband but also remember the good times.

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  23. Just now seeing the news. My deepest sympathy for your loss. I am carrying you in my heart.

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  24. We all loved Errol so much. I can't stop crying--I hope you are stronger than I am!! We're going to have some of his wonderful gumbo for dinner tonight as a tribute to him. He will be with us (& especially you) forever in our hearts!!

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  25. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your words are beautiful and heartfelt and I feel the love you shared in each and every one of them.

    Sending much love and support your way.

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  26. Dear Inger, I am so sorry for your loss. You have been incredibly strong through this and such an inspiration. I'm having chills going through my body as I read your post. Everything I wanted to say has be so eloquently said by TexWisGirl. Sending you my blessings and love. Thanks for letting us know.
    Hugs.
    Julia

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  27. Oh sweetie, this is so sad. Of course you will take a blogging break, you were brave and good to post this. Hugs to you.

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  28. ...And angels sing thee to thy rest.
    I'm deeply saddened to read this, but I'm glad that he (and you) were surrounded by love, support, laughter, prayers, and.. yes... singing. Take all the time you need, we'll be waiting for you.

    This is a powerful testament to the love you shared, and the way he touched others. I'm sure he was greeted with the words "Thou good and faithful servant." Sending you gentle hugs.

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  29. To gather together round your beloved man, to sing, talk, and hold his hand, moments remembered so special. You have shared with us so much, and these words are from your heart, with the love you shared shining through your sadness and grief. Fly free, dear man . Samson and Faith, be there, surround Inger with your love , keep her company always. Hugs from way down south, Jean.

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  30. I am so sorry for your loss. Prayers that you can find some comfort in your family and loved ones.

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  31. Oh Inger I am so very sorry. Even when we know this day is coming it is so very hard. I am glad that you wrote about it so beautifully. A beautiful tribute to him. My arms will be around you, along with the hundreds of others, as you go through the days ahead. I'll keep you in my prayers and in my heart.

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  32. Inger, I am so sorry for you loss.. I can not imagine.. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you, Samson & Faith and your family.. Take care & {HUGS}

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  33. Oh my sweet sweet Inger, I am so sorry to hear this. I know you'll have a lot to take care of in the next few weeks and months. Please come back with an update when you feel like it. We'll all want to know that you are alright and give you our love. Sending you some special hugs, your friend Diane I'll keep you in my prayers. Let me know if there is anything else I can do.

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  34. I grieve for you, Inger. If you would like memorial donations to be made in your husband's honor, you could tell fishducky and she'll pass on the information.

    Love,
    Janie

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  35. Oh Inger so sorry to hear there was not a miracle, but better his suffering is done and you and family and friends were there to give him a lovely send off on his next journey. So glad Samson and Faith are there to take care and comfort you.

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  36. Oh my dear Inger, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you and I have tears streaming when I read this moving and touching tribute to your dear and beloved husband.
    It is important for you to have the support of your dear family and dear friends during this sad moment.
    I wish you my dear Inger, much strenght and comfort.
    I know that adorable Samson and Faith will take good care of you.
    Sending warm embrace and much Love to you and your family from miles and miles away.

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  37. Oh Inger, I am so sorry to hear that your husband has died.
    His suffering and pain is now over and he is at rest. May God comfort you in this very sad time.

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  38. Dear Inger, my sincerest condolences.

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  39. I do not know you- I found you through Janice's blog but I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband sounds like a fabulous man. My husband is my rock as well and my heart bleeds for you and your family.

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  40. Words can't express how devastated I feel, and how I wish I could give you a hug, or bring a casserole over, or something. (I am actually kidding on that last comment... I don't do casseroles well!) Errol was such a fighter. I kept waiting for all of this to turn around. I'm sure you did, too. Take care of yourself. Take time. You are a Swede - you don't always have to be an emotional rock! Love to you.

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  41. Oh, Inger, I'm so sorry to read about your husband. Your faith will keep you going. Sending you my thoughts and prayers.
    Cheryl Ann

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  42. So sorry for your loss. Sending love...

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  43. So sorry to hear this news but very glad to hear that you have support there in this time of need. A beautiful blog post - as always thinking of others. You are an amazing human being. My thoughts are with you.

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  44. Oh Inger - I am so very sorry to hear your news today ... I am crying along with your beautiful words. Sending you lots of love. May Errol rest in peace now.

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  45. Sending you hugs to help you through your times of sadness from Indiana.

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  46. Dearest Inger, I do not know you but found you thru The Feral One, and you have my deepest regards. Hugs.

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  47. I felt the love you have for your husband and want you to know that I'm truly sorry for your loss. I'm so thankful that you had such a strong group of support from family and friends. This was such a touching post. God is good and I hope that you have faith that God will help you through the grieving process. I'll be praying for you.

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  48. Inger, our heart goes out to you at this time. Please accept our deepest sympathy and heartfelt wishes to you at this time.
    Errol was a wonderful man who was married to a wonderful woman, you.
    Sending healing and supportive thoughts your way.
    Take care.

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  49. All encompassing hugs and nudges from Sophie to you and Samson and Faith. Time to be at peace.
    Ron

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  50. So very sorry for your loss- prayers and hugs sent.

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  51. Oh, I am so very sorry for your loss. Many kind thoughts and so much sympathy.

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  52. Inger,
    Your husband was an exceptional, wonderful person.
    Were all lucky to know him through you and your posts.
    My family is so sorry for your loss. Keeping you close to our hearts, and sending
    prayers to you, and your family.
    Blessing,
    Sandy

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  53. I am visiting from Go West Feral Woman, and I just want to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. My God hold you in His arms and comfort you in the way only He can....

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  54. I am so sorry for Errol's passing, Inger. That you were there for him and with him the entire way will be a comfort to you for the days, weeks, and years to come. May God bless you and keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you, and give you peace. Numbers 6:24-26

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  55. I'm so sorry for your loss Inger hugs and prayers to you.

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  56. Thinking of you. Try to be kind to yourself. xxx

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  57. xx oo Sending lots of hugs and prayers.
    Carla

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  58. Oh Inger. My arms ache to give you a hug. My heart is heavy. You are so strong but you know you don't always have to be. I hope your family remains supportive of each other for the year to come.

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  59. Somehow I missed your post, dear Inger. When I read Fishducky's post, I was so saddened to read of your beloved's passing. I am so very sorry, but know, through you, that everything that could be done, was done and when he left this world, he was surrounded by the voices of love. My deepest condolences to you and his family.

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  60. I am very sorry about your husband. My family's and my prayers are with you.
    I found out just now from Fishducky's post. Please let us know if there is anything at all any one of us can do for you.

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  61. I'm so sorry to have learned of Errol's death (from the feral Montana Woman). Makes life more difficult for you, and a good deal more empty. Blessings and Bear hugs in a tough time!

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  62. I'm so very sorry, Inger. Many hugs to you.

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  63. He's not far from you, dear Inger, and God is watching over you and your family. Yes, you will always have some tears, I suspect, you loved him so much and you had such a long, happy marriage. Though happy memories are also part of the sadness. I remember this thought from the movie Shadowlands (C.S. Lewis and his late in life wife Joy). ((( ))) from your friend Ann.

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  64. I came over from Fran's blog. I'm very sorry for your loss.
    Rick

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  65. I'm so very sorry for your loss; prayers for you and your family, dear Inger. (Came by from Fran's)

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  66. I am truly sorry for your loss my friend. My heart aches for you. You are in my prayers, please take care. I love you.

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  67. I am so sorry for your loss. You have written a moving and beautiful tribute to your beloved.

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  68. So sorry to read that he has passed. Glad u have people around u right now. i hadn't been visiting blogs much lately - (a grandson came to live with us so we've been busy getting him into school)... (((Inger))) - lots of hugs.

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  69. Checking in to let you know that I am thinking of you today.

    hugs to ((((Inger))))

    and a kiss on the nose to Samson & stinkerbelle Faith!

    xoxox

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  70. This was really sad to read Inger!! It so good you have the dogs:)) Take care and i hope you find strenght and peace in your walks.....:)

    Take care u:)

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  71. Oh, Inger, I'm so sorry. You will miss him so much. I am so glad that you had a good relationship and life with him. The memories will carry you through the rest of your life. I wish I was nearby and could bring you a warm hotdish, bread, lots of hugs, and a listening ear. I'm also glad you have family there to help you, and to just be with you.

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  72. What a beautiful post Inger. I'm So glad all of you were there and am so sorry for your loss. Peace to you and your family.

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  73. I'm just reading this for the first time. I'm so very sorry Inger your husband sounds like a wonderful man that you were so lucky to spend time with. Look after yourself now,those dogs need their mum. X

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  74. I'm late coming by to find out such devastating news, Inger. My heart goes out to you. You're a brave woman and with the help of family and friends who are closer to you than some of your blogger friends, you will get through this. I'm so sorry for the loss of the man I know you loved probably more than you can express. Yet you took the time to let all of us know how it was. Take time to get done what must be done and time to come to terms with the changes in your life. We'll still be waiting. Hugs sent over the web. Don't be afraid to cry, It helps to get the pain out.

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  75. I am reading this for the first time too, and seeing you have lost your darling wanted to send you hugs and best wishes to help ease your grief at this terrible time. I hope you will feel strong enough soon, to be able to join us back here in your lovely blog.. All the best in the world for you and your family.. J

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  76. Hello Inger. I just want you to know I am thinking about you every day. I hope you are well and peace is with you. Take care and give Samson kisses for Gracie.

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  77. Inger, somehow I missed this post in April. Your account of your husband's final hours with everyone gathering and saying goodbye was so beautiful and sad. Dear Inger, I'm glad you have friends and family to support and love you during this difficult time, and please do take care of yourself. Love, Karen

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  78. Inger, I am so sorry for the loss of the love of your life. Hugs to you.

    N

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  79. Inger, I am only just seeing this, and it is with a very heavy heart that I have to write this message to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I can only hope that my words bring you some comfort. Through your blog, and your writing, your love for your husband, your love was so blatant and clear to see. I want to reach out and give you a great big hug. Please look after yourself. Thoughts are with you at this sad time Inger. Love, Hayley-Eszti

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  80. Inger, I just stopped by because I don't have an email address for you. I wanted to say that even though you are not blogging just now I still think about you and hope you are doing ok.

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  81. just stopping by - thought of you and sending you "love"...

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Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger

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