Thursday, March 14, 2019

Memories, Horses, And More

Thank you all for listening to my travails and for your comments on my previous post. A while ago, I saw the author Barbara Ehrenreich on the PBS Newshour discussing a new book. Something she said stuck with me. She told the interviewer, "I'm old enough to die." When he asked what she meant, she told him that she now eats as much butter and other goodies as she wants to and should she be diagnosed with cancer, she will not go through extreme treatments just to be kept alive for a few more months. 

I liked that idea. I don't feel like I'm there yet, but I hope to understand that I am when I reach that point. Right now, I'm willing to try the medicines the doctors recommend, but not if they will ruin my present day life. Particularly since diabetes is the only negative I have. My heart and all the rest are just fine. 

After witnessing what Errol went through in the liver transplant ICU, I made sure to include specific instructions to just let me go in my Living Trust. This is something I think everyone needs to do. He had not, so there I was, making life or death decisions for him. 

On to more fun things. My friend in Denmark and I have been looking back on our younger years in Princeton. It's almost scary how easy it is to find old friends and lovers online. She found me online and now she found several people we knew back then. I was happy to see that they have lived good lives. Particularly a few that I had been concerned about. 

This inspired me to organize and begin to read the letters I sent back home. My mother saved most of them and I brought them back with me after she died. I never read them, they were stuck in a box all these years. This week, I went through and read about my first year in Princeton, 1963. 

Most things were as I remembered them, but many were not: 

All these years, I thought that after my Jewish boyfriend split up with me for a reason I understood, but didn't approve of, I never spent any time with him again. I guess I assumed I got mad and that was it. But I learned that we continued a very excellent friendship for a couple of years after that, had season tickets to the Shakespeare festival at the local theater even. I have no memory of that whatsoever. Alec Gallup, of the Gallup polls, was a friend of mine. I know I worked for him for a while, but I was so certain that was in 1970, after my divorce, not 1963. And that was a reoccurring problem - the timing of things. 

Back to the present. Yesterday, I was so upset with my diabetes control that I decided to reprogram my insulin pump myself. I knew I needed to make some drastic changes and had wanted to do this in the company of my diabetes nurse/educator. But I couldn't wait. My changes worked well overnight and for most of the day.

These are Joyce's horses. Sometimes, they get out and come galloping down her road. To see and also to hear them thunder down the hill is thrilling. 


  1. i love the thunder of horses hooves when they run. so glad you could get your insulin adjusted alone. i have found when comparing memories with my friend Loretta they don't match and neither does the time they happened. i think our memories change a littles as we age... it has to be cool to see it written down. i said once to a friend here i have always been called Sandra and i don't like to be called Sandy and never have. then i found an old diary, with only 10 pages written on and each page i signed it Sandy, that would have been in 10th grade.

  2. How lucky that you get to enjoy your neighbor's horses. All the pleasure and none of the work or expense. I do that with my neighbor's cows. So glad your pump adjustments went well. We do know our own bodies.

  3. One of the most important documents one should have is their Living Will/Trust. After my parents passed away, I realized that for the sake of the family, there would be no question as to what I want and less anxiety for them as they go through the grieving process.

    The best thing about social media is finding old friends and opening up that book of memories.

  4. How fun to see those horses headed for some freedom.
    I'm grateful you share about your health and your past . . it's a terrific gift.

  5. Love your header photo. And old letters, how I wish I had kept my Mum's ones when she was well enough to write regularly. A few weeks ago I found a daughter of a very old friend, and the daughter's was my piano tutor way back in about 1950!!! Read and enjoy.

  6. Horses are such amazingly beautiful animals. Thanks for sharing them.

    Having a Living Trust is one of the wisest things a person can do.

  7. I agree with what you are saying. I am hoping you live for a long time to come, since diabetes is the only thing you have. NOT that it is a small thing, I know it involves so many organs and other things. My best friend's husband has had type one diabetes since he was a kid. Now he is in his 80's, and takes donuts to his farm with him, neglects taking care of himself, goes low and passes out. His wife was the one to call the rescue squad so many times. But my point is, she is dead now, and he keep on rockin'.Still going out to his farm! We just never know. Another of my best friends was married to a man decades older than her. And she would mention her future plans by adding that he would be the first to go. Well, he did not. She died fairly young, and he is in his 90's living in a retirement home. Am I rambling? Just kind of giving you my thoughts on all of this. LOVE the beautiful horses!

    1. This is the best ramble ever! And you encouraged me too. Life is a beautiful gift and we have to take care of it by taking care of ourselves.

  8. Personally, I'm not a big fan of end of life heroics, and yes, so critically important to have a living trust. I love the photos of the horses. The olive/grey tones are so beautiful!

  9. The horses are beautiful. It's so nice that you have the letters. I have nothing but my faulty memory to help me recall incidents and when they occurred.


  10. what a beautiful life affirming post and the pictures of the horses are a perfect match.
    strong and free and filled with spirit! kudos to you!
    I have a few letters my beloved mother and I wrote ages ago! just everyday wonderful stuff. I re read them sometimes.
    it's almost like getting to visit with her!

  11. Hi Inger - delightful views with the horses ... just lovely and that thunder of hooves, or clatter of 'shoes' on tarmac as the horses go through London, or down here occasionally along the road. It's always good to let the imagination wander with horses in the landscape ...

    I asked my mother to keep my letters - she forgot and I don't have them from my SA days ... not much one can do - some of the long letters I kept originals of, or copies of them ... so some memories I do have.

    I'm glad you're being pragmatic - good luck ... better to be prepared as best one can for others, and then just live as well as possible ... cheers HIlary


Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger


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