Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
William Wordsworth
It feels like so much in my life has been turned upside down since May. That was the busiest time here at the ranch with an incredible amount of yard work to be done, weeds and grass to be cut back, a fence to be painted, vegetables to be planted, and flowers too. I felt I mustn't get depressed and friends helped. Rachael came and helped with the yard work, Jane sent books, other friends supported me with emails and cards, and all of you my blogger friends helped enormously. Then Princess died and it was so sad. I am still so sad when I go outside and she is not there by my side like she always was, looking out for me. But you have to move on and not give in and get depressed about things. Then, when I am getting so much better this stupid car accident happens.
What I am reflecting on this Sunday morning is that I have to keep my spirits up, I must not get down and feel sorry for myself, and I must not be afraid. And I am afraid. I am now afraid of falling and afraid of driving. I remember the rule of horseback riding: When you fall off you must get right back up on the horse again. Well, I can't drive right now and I feel my mind trying to play fear games with me.
This may be difficult to understand if you are young, but I am not, and I keep wondering what will happen next and will I have time to recover. Will my left arm and shoulder ever be OK now? Can I have fun again? Will I ever be able to hike in the mountains again or walk in the hills with my dogs? Will I even ever be able to walk Soldier again, my poor boy. That's how my mind goes on and on.
Then Jane sent the book that's on my nightstand (see sidebar) and I opened it and on the front page I found the poem by Wordsworth. And the book is about a person with strength to move beyond the incredible suffering that came out of Africa, in Rwanda and Burundi.
Reading this book is putting my own modest suffering in perspective. The poem gave me a line to hang on to, just in case: We will grieve not, rather find -- strength in what remains behind.
Thank you Jane you had no idea of the perfect timing of this gift. Now you know.
