Here I am, presenting Sweden in the best of light so of course many of you have wondered why I left. Writing about Sweden, finding all these pretty pictures, thinking about how nice it would be to have a fully, 100 percent secure old age, seeing my friends and relatives, and so on, I must confess that I have wondered some myself. There was a saying back in the day, "Life happens while you're busy making other plans," well, I didn't make a lot of plans, but my life just sort of happened.
Here are some of the reasons I left:
2. Having lived abroad, Sweden seemed so small to me. I was young and though I appreciated the beauty, history, and culture that I have posted about here, the bureaucracy that ruled, made me feel boxed in. Who cares about security when you are 22?
A picture of me at 22, taken in London.
4. All these feelings of going backwards, being made to conform, and feeling boxed in made me sick. I came down with a case of agoraphobia. Seriously! This made my mother realize I had to get away. Yes, I had a great mom. America was really the only option; I spoke the language and my cousin had recently moved here. So my mother dragged an unwilling me to the US Embassy to get my visa.
So, I who could barely cross the street without breaking out in heart palpitations and a cold sweat, off I went on a plane to become a Swedish version of The Help to a really weird family in Tenafly, N.J. They sponsored me, so I was stuck there for a time, kind of a modern version of an indentured servant. I was supposed to look after the kids but that's not exactly what happened. How I escaped from there, moved to Princeton, and created a new life for myself is another story that I perhaps will tell some day. However, being faced with an unpleasant reality without a safety net, no family here, no friendly welfare state to take care of me, provided an instant cure for my agoraphobia. The minute I landed in the US and in that family, my agoraphobia completely disappeared, never to surface again.
In my mind, I never emigrated from Sweden; I never intended to live out my life in America. I'm pretty sure though that in the end America was better for me, for the kind of person I was, and the kind of person America helped me to become.