Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sunday Morning Reflections

 Happy Mother's Day!


This morning I am reflecting on what is acceptable in terms of feeling sorry for oneself. I woke up feeling terrible, my back hurt and my sugars were way too high. I'm supposed to lay flat in bed and this is the third serious accident I've had in the past 12 months. 

Two thoughts came to mind:
  • It could be worse. Even I have had it worse. Many others do. These thoughts only make me feel a bit ashamed for feeling sorry for myself.
  • I have choices here. Clinically depressed people don't really. Choices are good and thinking in this direction will help me.

I looked around and wondered what would make me feel better and, as always, doing something came to mind. It's not easy to do stuff when you are supposed to stay in bed. But since I was also supposed to see doctors and ride in cars, etc. I figure I can do a few things around here if I make sure to rest in-between.

My husband is in Los Angeles, so more stuff needs to get done since he isn't here to help. But then less mess is also being made. I looked around and found dishes in the sink, dog poop in the dog run, sad looking dogs, unopened mail, dust, a fun book to read, this blog to write, Best of Friends episodes, borrowed from my niece to watch; Avatar, a gift from Rachael, also to watch, and all your blogs to read. So a nice division of chores and fun things to do while resting. So I got busy with chores and rest and I was soon feeling better!

Then I took my camera and went outside. I only walked to check on our lilac bush. And, wow, for the first time in the five springs we have lived here, it was in bloom. I was thrilled, since lilacs are one of my favorite flowers and our bush always tried to bloom too soon before. This definitely cheered me up and I even picked a few for my bedroom. When I was a child, we used to eat lilac flowers. Funny, what you remember.

Then I saw the yellow mustard flowers in the large field below our house. 

I don't know how much you can see in the photos and I can't walk any closer, so this will have to do. Trust me, it looks very much like California spring out there. Oh, when we went to the ER the other day, there were fields of poppies in town. With all the winter rains we've had, this is a wonderful year for desert spring flowers. 

Well, at least I could capture some at a distance while allowing myself to feel a whole lot better and more positive. 

Refelcting this Sunday morning, I wonder if one has to acknowledge those feelings of self-pity in order to get beyond them.

Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful Mom's out there. 


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