Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Q is for Questions

Me, alone. Life after loss.

A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. ~ Author Unknown

I wonder if I asked enough questions when you were so ill. 

Should I have asked more? Would it have helped? 

Did I trust the doctors too much? 

After all, UCLA Ronald Reagan Hospital is the Best in the West, or so it says on big signs in their fancy-looking lobby. 

Infected probes, or stents, or whatever gave you your infection, well, you don't expect that. 

By the time you had it, there wasn't much anyone could do. 

As I found out.

And asking more questions would have made no difference.

Why do I still wonder?

Because I love you. 

You are not suffering now.



  1. You did the absolute best you could in the moment and your husband knows that, too ... be gentle with yourself. Sending lots of support across the miles.

  2. Life is filled with "what ifs", but they matter not. What did matter is that you were by his side and did all you could for your beloved.

  3. i can feel your pain in this, I am the queen of if only and what if's and can fully understand where you
    are coming from on the wondering part.. you did what you could and that is all that you could do.

  4. That's the thing about questions, you never know which one to ask.

  5. We all tend to beat ourselves up with "what ifs". Truth is we do the best we can because we can't possibly know all the hidden variables. Just know you did all the caring and loving he could have asked for. You left nothing back that was in your power.

  6. We could ask forever. We do the best we can like you did. May the healing begin.

  7. Hi Inger - so often it's after things have happened ... when it's too late ... the best thing is ... you did your best - and sometimes we can't cope with the information or thinking on our non-medical feet ... so difficult for you ... my thoughts for you - and a hug - Hilary

  8. I think questioning is pretty normal. I did it after Steele and find myself doing it now that my mother has passed. I believe that it's a good thing to examine and learn but not if it become paralyzing.

  9. Hard not to ask yourself could I have done more? You did the absolute utmost, Inger, and I believe the hospital and wonderful doctors did too.Q could well be for Quantity, the caring ,the love, the travelling, the worrying you did for so long, and for Quality, of all the above.In my life I, too, have a lot of " What if I ??", and have to tell myself not to. Hugs from a colder NZ. 3.40 a.m. awake, didn't get back to sleep.. lit the fire and reading your words.

  10. I think it is normal for us to continue to ask questions! I love the quote at the beginning of your post!!

  11. You made me cry!!

  12. Ah, my love, the pain in your words . . .



Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger


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