Friday, April 1, 2016

A is for April


Me, alone. Life after loss.

April hath put a spirit of youth in everything. ~ William Shakespeare


April was always my favorite month. In Sweden, little delicate flowers begin to raise their heads along the ditches; here in the California mountains, colorful poppies and other wildflowers bring delight.


Then last April, you died and April became the cruellest month for me. I should have known, but I didn't. I thought you would come home to me, so I could take care of you.


Now almost a year has gone by, the earth is coming alive again with flowers and bees and butterflies. I am beginning to heal, time does that for you. Friends, family, and new experiences begin to fill the void in the fabric of my life. 

My husband's name was Errol. He died last April from sepsis, a vicious infection he got while in the hospital. He had Hepatitis C and liver cancer, but was cured from the Hepatitis C. The cancer returned, a stent was needed, a probe was sent into him, infection ensued. He spent over two months in ICU; he had a liver transplant and seven surgeries before he passed away of multiple organ failure. 

I decided to do the A to Z once again to document my journey toward a good life for me, letting the sadness in, but focusing on the joy of being alive, feeling well, and moving toward happiness.









31 comments:

  1. It is hard when sad anniversaries come round. And it was so cruel what happened to Errol. you are right to let the healing in.

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  2. Anniversaries are hard. I found your blog around the time that Errol passed away. I have seen your strength as you are learning to carry your terrible loss.

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  3. Your last line, Inger, says so much about hope and bravery.

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  4. May this April be a happy, healing month for you.

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  5. Such a beautiful touching post Inger.
    Hard to believe, it's been a year already. You survived this lonely year and your big void is slowly being filled one day at a time.
    You are a strong and brave woman. I look forward to reading your A to Z challenge.
    Have a good weekend.
    Hugs,
    JB

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  6. Inger, you are an inspiration to all of us -- your honesty and ability to incorporate meaning and understanding into your soul and then share that on your blog is a great gift.

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  7. A sad, but lovely post, Inger.
    A month for poets and deep feelings.

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  8. I am so sorry for your loss. Sometimes we don't always understand why these things happen. When we lost our child years ago we were devastated as well. You have such an upbeat soul. God Bless You.
    http://enchantedfantasies.blogspot.com/

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  9. Looking forward to reading all of your posts this month! Writing them should be therapy for you!

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  10. We go forward even when our hearts want to remain behind. May healing come to you more and more each day. Always your friend, Roland

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  11. Sad but filled with hope and new life. A wonderful start with your challenge for the month.

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  12. so glad you are doing this, i think it will help and we all need to know what you went through and still do.. your flowers pics are wonderful... to me you are a very strong person and I am so pleased to see all the things you have done in this past year. hugs and love coming to you

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  13. Så vackra gula blommor hos dig ,dom liknar en som vi brukar så som heter sömntuta för den går och lägger sig när det blir kväll ,trevlig helg ,nette

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  14. Hello, Inger! I'm so touched by your theme and this post. I can't believe it's been a year since you lost your husband. I'm glad you are starting to heal and find joy in life again.
    I'm looking forward to your A-Z posts. Take care!

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  15. You are off to a good start Inger. This is so beautiful. Errol is looking down from Heaven. He is proud of you! This will be a hard challenge but at the end you will feel good for going through it and focusing on the future. I wish I could tell you the first year is the hardest. We just have to deal with the grief. Each in our own way!

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  16. This is an excellent start to your series -- you frame the loss, but also the healing, so well. California poppies are one of my favorite flowers.

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  17. Hardly seems like it has been a year though I am sure it was much longer for you. You have made the journey so far with strength and the help of some great friends. Keep moving forward Inger and lean when you must.

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  18. And so it begins, the road to healing such a traumatic hurt. Errol will be your guardian angel now, Inger. You have a love of life that will help you and thankfully, you have many good friends to assist. I know how much it takes to try and write about something that touches us so close to the heart.

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  19. Inger, I'm sorry for your loss. I have a good friend who lost her husband last summer and she's having a difficult time coping. She doesn't blog, but I think it might do her good to connect with others who are still fresh in their grief. Anywho, it's nice to meet you through the #AprilA2Z hop and I'll look forward to reading more about this journey as sad as it is. God bless you!

    Curious as a Cathy
    All Things Vintage: Artists #AprilA2Z #BoTB

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  20. We still have the last of his gumbo in the freezer--when we eat it he will truly be gone!!

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  21. Yellow poppies, in a carpet on the desert floor. So lovely, as you are as well.

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  22. Inger,

    Beautiful pictures and great post to start the challenge. I'm glad you're healing. I look forward to reading more.

    Thanks for visiting my blog today.

    Sunni
    http://sunni-survivinglife.blogspot.com/

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  23. This is a very brave thing you are doing, Inger, and you have already earned my admiration and respect.
    I hope that you will find this month as helpful as I am sure I will.
    Keith Channing A-Zing from http://keithkreates.com

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  24. Hi Inger - such a lovely introduction ... just enough - hope for you, simple loving post for Errol, and a great introduction for others to meet with you ... it's so good to read and to know you are healing ... those poppies are wonderful - lovely colour ... slightly more orange than our carpets of daffodils ... with thoughts and hugs - Hilary

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  25. Hello Inger. It is very heartwarming to read this and sad at the same time. Good that you are allowing the healing to take place and that Errol is still close by in your thoughts.
    Spring is the time for renewal and you are beginning your own renewal in a very positive light.
    All the best to you.

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  26. So hard to believe time has flown by like it has Inger. I remember when my Mom passed away I counted every month for years and years thinking that this would solve something. I don't exactly what but it kept her memory alive in me. I couldn't let go of her essence, just couldn't. Please show us more of your landscape and more of your world because it is helping us at this moment Inger. It is very timely!

    Ron

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Thanks for leaving a comment.. ~~ Inger

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